


Making Sense of Entropy

by CaptAcorn



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Drama, Family, Gen, Thirty Days, Wow it would be hard to be a kid on Voyager, a touch of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 04:14:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17093837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptAcorn/pseuds/CaptAcorn
Summary: There were a lot of things that happened on Voyager that didn't make sense to Naomi Wildman. But she'd always trusted the adults around her to make things better. But when one of those trusted people breaks the rules, Naomi no longer knows what to believe about the family she thought she had.





	Making Sense of Entropy

**Author's Note:**

> This is my little contribution to the 25 Days of Voyager Collection! It was meant to be a heartwarming tale for the holidays, but came out a bit more angsty than planned. Oops. Many thanks to Caseyptah and Sareki for their quick beta reads, as I working on this thing right up to the wire.

The Doctor had called it her ‘finest work so far.’

 “Do you see, Miss Wildman, how coloring in the _entire_ sky adds depth and realism to your piece? Yes, it may take a bit more time and paint, but I think the resulting effect speaks for itself.”

Naomi preferred it when the captain had time to give her an art lesson – the Doctor talked a _lot_ \-- but even she had to admit that, in this case, he was right. She’d covered the top half of the paper in layers of black and indigo paint, dotting it with the tiny glittering star stickers that Mariah Henley had given her on her last birthday. And the sea! She was even more proud of the sea. Three different blues mixed with swirls of dark green, and she’d lined each of the waves with a thin strip of white. Just like the waves at Neelix’s resort.

But it was the _Delta Flyer_ that was the real star of the piece, just as intended. Not being allowed to go to the shuttle bays without an adult, Naomi had had to rely on the computer’s schematics to get it perfect – the shape of the nose, the right angle on the fins. “A striking resemblance,” the Doctor had pronounced. He rubbed a finger gently over the purple glitter that she’d glued onto the ship’s surface. “Although I do see you’ve taken a bit of artistic license.”

All of this meant it hurt that much more that she was going to destroy it. But she had to, because she didn’t want to think ever again about the planet covered entirely by water, or the shuttle that had dived deep into its massive ocean, and she definitely didn’t want to think about that shuttle’s pilot, the painting’s intended recipient.

Too bad she’d used her good paper. It was designed to hold up to her most vigorous erasing and not get soaked through by water colors. But the strong paper and its waxy backing made it hard to tear.

“Rip!” she shouted at her too-sturdy artwork, her knuckles and finger tips turning red with effort. Tears sprang to her eyes “Tear, you stupid thing!” After a final heave of effort, the painting gave way to her will, the two halves separating from each other with a loud rip.

“Naomi?” her mother called from the living room. “What’s going on in there?”

“Nothing!” she choked out. She stared at the two halves of paper in her hand. What had she done? Her mother knew how much time she’d spent on this. She knew what it was for. If her mother saw that Naomi had torn it, there would be questions. And the questions would lead to a conversation – one that Naomi did not want to have. She jumped off the floor and rushed to her desk, shoving the two halves of her painting into the top drawer, crumpling the paper as she slammed it shut.

“Naomi?” her mom said. She was standing in the bedroom door. “What was that noise? Are you OK?”

Naomi took a rough swipe at her eyes and nose. “I’m fine,” she said, staring at the drawer that held her shame.

“Sweetie, have you been crying?” Mom crossed to the desk and put her hands on Naomi’s shoulders.

“No!” She slithered off her desk chair and ran to the bed, throwing herself on top and burying her face in the coverlet.

“I’m sorry,” her mother said. The mattress dipped as she sat on the edge of the bed. She began to rub Naomi’s back in slow, deep circles. Naomi’s eyes and nose filled, and she pressed her face harder into her folded arms to muffle her sniffling. What was her _mother_ sorry for? She hadn’t done anything wrong. She was a _good_ officer. One that _always_ followed orders.

“I should have talked to you, about what’s going on with Tom.”

This was exactly what Naomi had dreaded: her mother trying to explain things. What was there to explain? _Ensign Paris_ had decided that some stupid ocean was more important than _Voyager_ , or her crew. More important than following the captain’s orders. The captain always said _Voyager_ was like a family, she’d heard _him_ say it, too. You weren’t supposed to treat family like that, though, and nothing her mother said would change any of it.

“It’s hard sometimes,” Mom was saying, “when you’re a grownup, and you see something wrong you want to fix. Sometimes, in order to do the right thing, you even have to break the rules. That’s what Tom was trying to do.”

Naomi picked her head up at that. “But the captain ordered him not to.” She swallowed hard and her heart began to pound. What was her mother trying to say? “Do you… Do you think we should have helped them even though the Moneans said no?”

Mom stroked her hair, and chewed a bit at her lower lip before she responded. “I think… I think that not everyone on Monea agrees with what their government said, like their scientists. And not everyone even has a voice, like the animals and the plant life. It’s not always as simple as—“

Alarm flooded Naomi’s body. “Are you saying the captain was wrong? Are you on _his_ side?”

Mom sighed and stared at her hands. “I’m doing a terrible job with this.” She looked back up at Naomi. “Not exactly. I’m saying that both Tom and Captain Janeway did what they thought was right.”

How could that be possible? If they’d both done the right thing, why had Captain Janeway gotten so mad at him? Why was he now in the brig, demoted? If Tom had just been doing what he thought was right, then the captain wouldn’t have done any of the things she did. It didn’t make any sense. Naomi shook her head and turned away from her mother. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Naomi…”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore!” She threw herself into the pillows and buried her face.

Mom patted her back again. “OK. But we can talk more whenever you want,” she said, and her weight left the mattress. “I know it’s hard to understand, but Tom’s the same person he was before all this happened. He did what he felt like he had to do, and yes, now he’s dealing with the consequences. But I know he still cares about you a lot. Just because he disobeyed the captain, the way he feels about _you_ hasn’t changed.”

Naomi had suspected as much. That was exactly why she was so worried. She didn’t say a word as her mother kissed the back of head and told Naomi she loved her.

 

_*Thirty-two days later*_

 

Oatmeal. Naomi hated oatmeal. She hated the color, she hated the weird, pasty texture, and the taste was only tolerable if they had strawberry jam to put in.

They were out of strawberry jam. And replicator rations.

“Hurry up, Naomi,” Mom said, picking up her own, enviously empty bowl. “You’ve got your physics class this morning.”

And Naomi thought her oatmeal was unappealing. “I don’t want to,” she told her mother. “Can’t I stop taking physics?”

Mom gave her a look before walking her bowl to the ‘fresher. “Of course you can’t stop taking physics. How can you be a Starfleet officer if you don’t know anything about physics? Besides, I thought you loved it.”

She used to – before Ensign Kim took over. Naomi knew it was mean (which is why she would never tell her mother), but he was the worst teacher she’d ever had – and she’d been taking classes from the _Voyager_ crew for over a year now!

Their first lesson together, one month ago, Ensign Kim had taken her to Astrometrics. Naomi had been excited at first. The last time she’d had physics class there, she’d learned all about gas giants. They’d designed several hypothetical planets and, at the end, Naomi had fiddled with the ratios of the different gases until she’d made each one of them explode in a progressively spectacular fashion.

That was not what Ensign Kim had had in mind however. “I’m not sure that’s a very useful exercise,” he’d commented when Naomi had asked if she could do it again. She’d then had to listen to him go on and on about how to use some kind of fancy math to calculate the likely planetary types associated with different kinds of stars. She hadn’t understood a word.

But even worse was her second (and third and fourth lessons). Naomi had made the mistake of telling her mother that Ensign Kim’s first lecture had been hard to follow. Her mother had clearly passed that information onto Ensign Kim, and Naomi had spent the last three weeks ‘learning’ about simple machines – something she’d mastered months ago. Last time, they’d spent the entire two hours wandering around _Voyager_ , looking for examples of wedges and inclined planes. “Maybe next week we can tackle levers!” he’d said at the end, and Naomi had felt a rare urge to kick him in the shin. She sighed and choked down another mouthful of oatmeal.

“Two more bites,” her mother said. “Then go brush your teeth. Tom will be here in five minutes.”

Naomi’s spoon fell to the table with a clatter. “ _He’s_ teaching me again?”

Mom smiled at her, but her eyes were worried. “He’s been back on duty for five days now. He asked if he could take your lessons over again, and I didn’t think you’d mind. That’s OK, isn’t it?”

Was it? He was the one that had let her explode the gas giants. He was the one that had taught her about centrifugal force by spinning her in a chair so fast she’d nearly thrown up, and had helped her build a marble run that took over half of Cargo Bay Two. “We’re learning about potential versus kinetic energy,” he’d told Seven of Nine when she’d pestered them about cluttering up ‘vital storage space.’ “Very important stuff.”

But. But. But. “No!” Naomi shouted. “It’s not OK!” She overturned her still half-full bowl of oatmeal and fled into the bedroom.

“Naomi! Come back here!” Mom called from behind her, but Naomi didn’t care. She grabbed Flotter from her pillow and slid beneath the bed. She didn’t need to learn physics. It wasn’t important. She didn’t need to be a Starfleet officer, either. Not everyone on _Voyager_ was an officer. Kes hadn’t been one. And Neelix wasn’t, either. Maybe she could learn to cook.

“Naomi.”

Mom’s voice was closer now – she must have entered the bedroom – but before Naomi could decide if facing physics class now or facing her angry mother later was the better choice, the door chime rang. “Hi Tom,” Mom said, after letting him in. He responded in kind, and then her mother’s voice dropped to a low murmur that Naomi couldn’t quite make out.

Within a few minutes, a pair of large black boots appeared by the side of the bed. Naomi felt the mattress creak and sink towards her just a hair. “So,” he said. “I hear you want to quit physics.”

Naomi said nothing. She squeezed Flotter tighter to her chest.

“If it’s because of me,” he said after a long, silent moment, “I don’t have to be your teacher anymore. I’m sure Harry will do it again, if that’s what you want.”

Hours of staring at schematics, looking for pulleys or screws? No, that was not what Naomi wanted. But still she stayed quiet.

“Naomi.” She watched as one black boot began to bounce. The mattress shook. “Before I go, I want to say I’m sorry.”

She inched towards the edge of the bed. “For what?”

The mattress rose as his weight shifted. His face appeared as he lay down on the floor. “If I disappointed you. With what I did. I know it probably looks pretty bad, from where you’re sitting. Or lying. And I know you probably don’t understand. But that ocean, trying to save it – it was really important to me. Important in a way that nothing else has ever been before. I don’t regret what I did. But I’m sorry if it made you mad at me.”

He didn’t regret it? But he was demoted! And put in the brig! And the captain… She turned her face away from his and pressed it into Flotter’s body.

She didn’t look when she heard him sigh or get to his feet. But then: “OK. I’ll tell your mom you’re off the hook with physics this week. I’ll ask Harry to take it over again, too. But, uh… maybe I’ll see you around, OK? If you want.”

“She fired on you,” Naomi whispered. But it was too quiet for him to hear. It was too quiet for anyone to hear, and maybe that was for the best.

“Did you say something?” His voice was close again. He must have gotten back on the floor.

“The captain,” Naomi said, and she could feel her stupid tears coming again. She was tired of crying about this. She didn’t want to cry about this anymore. “She fired on you. She nearly killed you.”

“Who told you that?” Now he sounded angry. Which was about right – Mom always got angry, too, when she found out Naomi had been eavesdropping.

“Ensign Kahud was at the conn when it happened. And she told Mariah, and I heard Mariah telling Neelix,” she spit out between sobs.

“Ah shi- ” Tom paused and cleared his throat. “Oh man. Naomi. It’s not as simple as that. The captain had Tuvok fire on the _Flyer_ ’s _missile_. I was never in any real danger. And I didn’t give her much of a choice, either. The Moneans were demanding she act. She was doing what she had to do, for _Voyager_.”

“But…” She began to blubber into Flotter. “But what if you disobey her orders again? Or what if Commander Chakotay does, or Lieutenant Torres?” Her mother had said Tom was doing what he thought was right. Her mother said sometimes adults _have_ to break the rules to do what’s right. “What if my mom does?”

“Hey,” Tom said, and he reached an arm out to touch hers. “Come on. Come on out.”

She slid out from under the mattress. Tom sat up to give her room, and, once she was standing, held his arms out to her. Naomi didn’t want to give in. She really didn’t. But it was all too much – Tom, the captain, her mother – and she collapsed in a heap into his arms.

“Oh, kiddo,” he murmured into her ear as he rubbed her back. “I’m so sorry.”

Once her sobs had slowed down to sniffles and his uniform jacket was thoroughly soggy, Tom sat up and chucked her under the chin. “I want you to listen to me. Me, the captain, your mom, we’re all different people with different priorities. Do you know what priorities are?”

Naomi rolled her eyes and swiped at her nose. “’Course I do.”

Tom’s mouth quirked. “My apologies. Anyway, like I said, we all have different priorities. The captain’s is almost always _Voyager_. For at least a little while, mine was saving that ocean. But your mom. Your mom’s first priority will never, ever change. It’s always going to be you.”

She ducked her head and rested it against Tom’s shoulder again. She knew her mom loved her. That wasn’t the problem. But her mom loving her didn’t stop her from being trapped under a kiloton of rock in the _Delta Flyer_ with Tom and Commander Tuvok. It didn’t stop her from being stationed on the bridge when aliens attacked them, or going on dangerous away missions. “What if that’s not enough?”

“Naomi,” Tom said, then stopped.

She knew what was coming. _Nothing will ever happen to your mother. She’ll always be there for you._ She’d heard it all before – from Neelix, from Mariah. Grown-ups meant well, but sometimes they were really dumb. She sighed and waited for Tom to finish.  
  
“I really, really hope it will always be enough,” he finally said. “But you’re right. Someday it might not be.”

Naomi’s breath caught and her body stiffened.

“My dad is in Starfleet, did you know that? He was a first officer, and then a captain. He was gone a lot when I was your age. I used to worry about him, just like you worry about your mom.” Tom’s face was sad, and he was looking at the floor instead of her.

“Did something happen to him?”

Tom gave her a little smile. “There were a couple… incidents. But he always came home in the end. He’s back on Earth now – an admiral.” He gave her a little squeeze and she relaxed her body into his. “Every time he left he’d tell me he loved me. And then he’d say: ‘And so does your mother, and your sisters, and your grandparents. And your aunts, and uncles, and cousins, and- ’ Well, you get the picture. But that’s what you have to remember, Naomi. _Voyager_ is a whole ship full of people that care about you. And I promise, if anything ever happens to your mom – you won’t be alone. OK?”

Naomi nodded. It wasn’t as nice as the idea that her mother would always be there. But it was the truth, and that was a lot easier to hold onto. She gave Tom a tight hug, then found herself consumed by guilt. _The picture._

 “What’s wrong, squirt?”

“I made you something,” she explained. “But I ruined it.”

Tom tried to tell her it was no big deal, but Naomi knew that it was. She got up from his lap and went to the desk where she’d hidden the torn halves. “I worked really hard on it,” she said, pulling them from the drawer. “I’m sorry I wrecked it.”

Tom took the two pieces from her and studied them. “How did you know?”

Naomi stared at him. “Know what?”

“That I was going to put purple glitter on the _Flyer_.” He grinned down at her. “Tuvok wouldn’t let me.”

She put her hands on her hips. “Tom.”

“Sorry,” he said, still smiling. “I forgot we have to be serious all the time always.” He put the pieces of her painting on the desk top and smoothed the wrinkled paper with his hand. “And this is not ruined. All I need is some scotch tape and we’ll have this fixed up in a jiffy.”

“What’s scotch tape?”

Tom’s mouth fell open. “What’s scotch tape? Oh, my poor, innocent child. I have so much to teach you. Speaking of which, do you still want to quit physics?”

She shook her head, then gave him her own grin. “Not if we can learn about gravity again.” They had dropped a variety of objects off the upper level of Engineering: feathers, ping pong balls, water balloons.

Tom made a face. “I think we better stay out of Engineering. B’Elanna didn’t talk to me for a week after last time. But how do you feel about combustion? I know a little trick with a fire whirl. You can see the _inside_ of a flame.”

As he bent down to smile at her, Naomi caught sight of the single pip that now sat lonely on his collar. “Is that safe? We won’t get in trouble, will we?”

“I was planning on using the holodeck, but if that’s still too risky for you, I can still ask Harry to sub in. Last night at dinner, he was planning a fascinating slide show on the laws of thermodynamics.” His voice was serious, but his eyes twinkled. Ensign Kim was his best friend, and even Tom knew how boring he was.

“That’s OK,” Naomi said, sliding her hand into his. “I trust you.”

 

The End


End file.
